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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.'"

"I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting"

"Why Did The Blind Student Get an F On His Paper? He didn't sight sources."

"What do call you it when a butt pirate calls another butt pirate on the phone? Booty call."

"If I had no emotions, I don't know how I'd feel about it."

"Vodka and I go together like falling down the stairs and getting fucked in my sleep."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"Why does Freud always have a cigar? Penis envy."

"How do the Chinese name their children They drop silverware in the sink and listen to the sound it makes"

"What is the difference between a joke and sex? A forced joke can still be somewhat humerous."