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Joke of the Day

"My 8yo knows exactly how many hours are left until Christmas but can't remember to flush the toilet."

"If you slept with my husband I'd be like ""OMG how much do I owe you?"""

"What does one dog say to the other when he just broke up with his girl friend? Go and retrieve her!"

"Only works in German - What is the biggest monkey? - Giraffe!"

"Why did leeroy Jenkins cross the road To get the chicken"

"My Uncle said this now that there are two popes Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on. The bartender says, ""Didn't you guys use to be Cardinals?"""

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills."

"What disease do you get from kissing birds? Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable."

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? Cause it runs in your jeans."

"Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!"