59484

Joke of the Day

"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."

Next Joke
 
"Sending everyone soggy empty boxes this year with a note - Hope you enjoy this expensive ice sculpture made in your honor. #CheapChristmas"
"If you eat a pot brownie and a Ken doll, you'll poop a Matthew McConaughey."
"I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one."
"Scientists have reversed Global Warming! Get rekt, Sun!"
"What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him? Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble."
"What do Nicki Minaj and Santa have in common? Hoe, hoe, hoe."
"Every store should have one line for people who have their shit together."
"*phone rings* Wife - ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - ""...."""""
"Have you heard the joke about the flying sandwich? Nope. Neither have I."