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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the woman who replaced her addiction to ornithology with alcohol? She was described as being off her tits."

"Alzheimer joke (Not sure if repost)"

"[Mulder softly whispering ""I want to"" at every exhibit in the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.]"

"Why does camping never get boring? Because it's in tents."

"[at restaurant] ""check, please!"" [waiter leans over] sir, again, there are no monsters under the table ""ok....goodnight"" wait what"

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"""

"Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I use beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver"

"Got into an argument with a cripple and won. He didn't have a leg to stand on."

"So we can send men to the moon, but we can't get a button that let's us edit a typo on a tweet after its been sent?"

"Why does America have so many boasting Republicans? Because it needs some bragging rights."