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Joke of the Day

"Huh, maybe THIS pizza delivery guy will be the father figure I've been looking for"

"One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old."

"I ate something evil and it's killing me... I don't know whether to get an ex-lax or an exorcist"

"New Mexican word for today: Brief Today, my homie farted so hard, I could barely brief"

"Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes"

"Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones."

"*passenger next to me starts putting on headphones* Are you mad at me?"

"Fidel Castro is dead Trump don't mess about."

"What does ABC stand for? American dyslexia association."

"I always thought a shih tzu was... a zoo without animals."