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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes"

"I think it's time I throw away my fleshlight My masturbation is getting a little out of hand."

"Pro tip for picking up girls keep your back straight and lift with your knees."

"How is the new Meta Gear game? Its solid."

"What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather."

"I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR."

"Food Network makes me feel like a perv: Beat it It's not moist enough My wrist is tired Look how thick it's getting It's all about flavor"

"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.."

"Went to the corner store I bought 4 corners"

"I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I'm not allowed back inside that hospital :("