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Joke of the Day
"New Mexican word for today: Brief Today, my homie farted so hard, I could barely brief"
Next Joke
"The only time my wife will ever scream ""Deeper, deeper!""... Is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."
"COP: Know why I stopped you? MAN IN A RESTAURANT EATING FRIED CHICKEN: Huh? COP: You're using a knife and fork. Step away from the chicken"
"What did Cinderella say as she was approaching the ball? *makes choking sounds*"
"If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview."
"Me: ""OMG, my abs are so sore!"" 12: (sarcastically) ""What abs?"" Me: ""The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."""
"My son just said he doesn't like cheese and now I have to interview all the mailmen in my neighborhood"
"When does a cub scout become a boy scout? When he eats his first brownie."
"Why is a duck-billed platypus called a duck-billed platypus? Because fucked up duck-beaver lookin thing doesn't sound scientific enough."
"I've only seen ""Babe"" once, but I've said ""That'll do, pig"" 1000 times. My wife hates me."