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Joke of the Day

"If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family."

"I went to the shop and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"NSFW What do you call it when you give a pussy diamond piercings? Coochie Gucci"

"Subway Did you use to work at subway, because you just gave me a foot-long."

"Two nuns are riding their bikes down a Paris street.. One looks to the other and says ""You know, I've never come this way before."" The second replies, ""Must be the cobblestones."""

"If ever you feel unlucky you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped his ass."

"Ambien is not the answer, unless your neighbor questions why you were sleeping on their couch and where did their cheesecake go."

"The Bible would be more believable if Adam was tempted by a slice of pizza instead."

"Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%"