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Joke of the Day

"If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, ""I thought this was FAST food."" The place will never recover from that mega burn"

"I'm really surprised I decided to get Botox. At least I think I'm surprised, I can't really tell."

"Personal trainer: So what's your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I'm not the one taking"

"Three stages of a man's life . . . . . Want to stand up Want to stand up Want to stand up"

"Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur? Answer: Mega-sore-ass."

"Auto correct doesn't work when I use caps lock. My phone is like ""woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he's wrong"""

"Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence? Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy. Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids. Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is."

"What does a redneck do on Halloween? Pumpkin"

"Ever hear about the Roman general who had a fit every time there was cold weather? Hail.. seizure"

"I'm not really fan of gallows humor It just always leaves me hanging."