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Joke of the Day

"OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY BOSS: I don't know you. Do you work here? ME: *sips wine* No. HIM: So your wife does? ME: *sips his wine* Again no."

"My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof."

"Why did barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."

"*goes to Australia *sees hot girl *asks if she wants to be my first mate *winks forever *gets punched down under"

"Two men walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it..."

"Yes, mother, I have gained weight. No, it was not appropriate to point it out by pinching my muffin top in front of thirty people."

"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've already lost three days."

"You're McDonalds; I'm Burger King I'm doing it my way, and you're lovin' it."

"I'm not sure if Steve Jobs got into heaven... God's a bit touchy about apples..."

"What does a prostitute have in common with Sting? They both stop sucking when The Police are around."