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Joke of the Day

"[tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH"

"Why do so many Asians wear glasses? All that squinting gives them astigmatism"

"What do you call someone with down syndrome who is very depressed? Down"

"Seven days without Mexican food.... Makes Juan weak."

"How are Clinton scandals like Pokemon? You'll never catch 'em all!"

"It turns out the town drunk is an exorcist. Since his last visit, there are no more spirits in the liquor store."

"I was in that kosher supermarket earlier. I knew something was wrong when an automated voice said, ""unexpected gunman in the bagging area""."

"2016's been bad! But today is definitely the darkest!"

"Isn't it somewhat ironic that a woman who. hasn't been clean for years managed to die in a bath?"

"What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! (works better when you're drunk)"