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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! (works better when you're drunk)"

"I start every argument off with ""first of all..."" like I'm really going to school them, but my second point is always just name calling."

"G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma) PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward) PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward) R: NO grandmas"

"The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors."

"I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don't you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!"

"Just bought some 007 Viagra It makes you rodger more"

"Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me? *noun the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*"

"I only like two things in my life. Boobs."

"If 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people', does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"

"Two utensils are laying in bed... One turns to the other and says ""wanna spoon?"" The other replied, ""no, I'd rather fork."""