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Joke of the Day

"Do you have any raisins? What about a date?"

"Why don't U2's lawyers ever make any money? All their work is pro Bono."

"I didn't really want to take my friend's true or false test But he wouldn't take no for an answer"

"Going to work My boss told me yesterday, ""Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want"". But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbusters gear, the bastard said I was fired."

"Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies."

"*Kanye trips and falls* SUCH A GENIUS! WHAT A POETIC DEMONSTRATION OF HOW HIS ANCESTORS FELL TO SLAVERY AND ROSE AGAIN *jaden smith cries*"

"There's no crying in baseball! But there is in cryball and you're gonna make it big, kid! Are you smiling? There's no smiling in cryball!"

"I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick She's still not talking to me."

"Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents."

"Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint? He was surrounded by phone-ys!"