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Joke of the Day

"Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents."

"Chicken pot pie my three favorite things in life..."

"What's the difference between batman and Blackman? Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it :-)"

"What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus. I watched Jurassic Park tonight, stole this."

"Just put some trousers on I last wore at a wedding in 2001 and found a Nokia 3210 in the back pocket. It's still got 2 bars of battery on it."

"Where did Ronda Rousey learn how to take a punch? Holm School"

"My sister asked if I stole her cream sweater. Uh, yeah. Who else would've stolen it? You think a burglar broke in and was like ""Cute top!"""

"Sometimes, late at night, I'll look up at the stars and wonder if you're also stealing lawn furniture."

"What is the most popular soda in candy land? Lolli-pop"

"My ex-wife is like a tornado First she blows, then she sucks, then she took my house and dog."