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Joke of the Day

"How was your thanksgiving? >> Very stuffing."

"How do you make Canadians? Fucking eh's. I'll see myself out."

"What does a church shooting sound like? Pew! Pew!"

"Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me? I'm cool if it's a burrito."

"Why did the boxer sprinkle cocaine on his exercise rope? He wanted to practice the rope-a-dope."

"All we want is to get laid and for no one to touch our cell phones."

"Why didn't the Jewish Boy Scout come home? He went to the wrong camp. Bonus: I'm a Jewish Boy Scout"

"TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship. He did it single handedly too. He was a bit out of breath afterwards though."

"I miss you like... post your funny ending! let's see what we get..."

"This kid at my nephew's birthday party shit his pants and got to go home. I'm seriously considering this option."