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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the Jewish Boy Scout come home? He went to the wrong camp. Bonus: I'm a Jewish Boy Scout"

"My family's going to be here soon. Quick, hide my body."

"What do you call a pretentious mime? A dick in a box."

"""You snooze, you lose."" -competitive insomniacs"

"Why didn't Hitler ever order the French Dip sandwich when he went out to eat? Because he hated au jus."

"I feel sorry for people that haven't found their true love. My sister is on her 5th."

"Sex with my ex was like Disneyland. I'd have to wait in line for an hour and a half and when it was finally my turn I wasn't big enough to get on the ride."

"*goes into kitchen *makes toast *pours coffee *sits at table *opens Sunday paper ""WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?"" *sighs *leaves"

"Peter Gabriel, after watching Miley Cyrus's ""Wrecking Ball"" video. ""Well, I certainly don't wanna be HER sledgehammer!"""

"I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say ""you're gross""."