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Joke of the Day

"Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher."

"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"I accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future."

"I have a phobia of over engineered buildings I have a complex complex complex."

"What's the difference between hanging with friends and jacking it on the toilet? One means you're taking a load off and shooting the shit, the other is taking a shit and shooting a load off."

"Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML."

"As it turns out, if you're with a group of people, it's ""Christmas caroling."" If you do it alone it's ""creating a public nuisance."""

"A man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers. succeeds"

"My grandmother used to wakeup and head for the bathroom . along the wat she would say with a raised voice 'o Jesus christ' Soon after my grandfather passed away she asked me to move the coffee table"

"Confucius says... Confucius says: Learn to masturbate, come in handy."