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Joke of the Day

"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"What did the 7-Eleven employee say to his wife after sex? Thank you, cum again."

"I'm more pissed off than a midget with a yo-yo."

"I lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch."

"I tried to watch the paralympic games.. I couldn't though because the channel was disabled"

"I start a lot of conversations with ""goodbye"" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked."

"What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation? A Rap Tour"

"T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do."

"I don't live in my mother's basement... I live in your mother's basement."

"Cat: Meow Me: Hi Cat: Meoww *picks up cat* Cat: Meowww *puts cat down* Cat: Meowwww *feeds cat* Cat: Meowwwww Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?"