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Joke of the Day

"What does a pirate drink for breakfast? Arrrrange juice."

"Did you hear about the wrestler who was beaten by a vampire? He was down for the count"

"We have enough breakfast items for the toaster now, food scientists. Move on to the car heater vent."

"One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse."

"I don't know why I even bother having an iPhone anymore. It spends so much time on charge, you might as well call it a landline."

"Dark jokes are like food. Not everyone gets it."

"What's innuendo? It's Italian for ""suppository""."

"A man walks up to a taxi -How much would it cost to drive me to the center? -5 bucks -What if my wife comes as well? -Still 5 bucks. -Do you see now honey. You ARE worthless."

"I just got back from a trip to Flint I went there to experience some Heavy Metal."

"Me: k well my phones gonna die so I'll ttyl Mom: But ur office is a landline? Me: oh...so it is....K well the building is on fire, sooo ttyl"