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Joke of the Day

"I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,"

"I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you'll never guess who I ran into... Everyone."

"The darkest joke ever. [It was the darkest joke ever, till you spoiled it by hovering, or highlighting or whatever the hell you did...](#s)"

"My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is gettin' better!"

"The only reason why i am fat is because a tiny body could not store all this huge personality."

"Somebody needs to tell Tim Burton about the other actors"

"As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute.."

"Caller: My goodness Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up I can't understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I'll take the rest of the day off!"

"Just ran a .3K (Ice cream truck wouldn't stop)"

"I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions it was fair to say, our opinions were divided"