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Joke of the Day

"Caller: My goodness Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up I can't understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I'll take the rest of the day off!"

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"I like to believe in solipsism... ...but other people prove me wrong."
"my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me"
"What did the redneck say to his ex? ""Can we still be cousins?"""
"Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking intense."
"Does the defense have any last words? ""Yes I do your honor... THE FLOOR IS MADE OF LAVA"" [Judge & jury scramble to get on top of tables]"
"Getting hit by a sound wave a couple of times won't affect you. Increase the frequency however... And it hertz"
"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre So the bartender gave it to her."
"I have an L shaped couch... lower case."
"I was arrested for assault with a chicken. The cops suspected foul play."