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Joke of the Day

"As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute.."

"WHY IS USHER ALWAYS SAYING HIS NAME IN HIS SONGS, IS HE A POKEMON?"

"With my wife it was sex, sex, sex... Yes, three times in 35 years"

"The 1670s called. Not sure how."

"I was bitten by a crow, since then I've had the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a guy who is bleeding from the head a bit"

"The outer-space toilet was truly revolutionary... ... Now men are able to go where no man has gone before."

"It's so cold outside. I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"What are Islamic extremists favourite drink? Smirnoff Isis"

"Me getting kicked out of my feminist group was all just a big misterunderstanding."

"Somewhere in Russia, a little kid farted a half beat before the meteor blew out all the windows. It was the greatest moment of his life."