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Joke of the Day

"When is a Jewish fetus considered a human being? When it graduates from medical school"

"WIFE: look at that couple. He kisses his girl every time he sees her. Why can't you do that ME: I'd love to but I don't know her well enough"

"No one beats the Jackson 5! Except their father."

"When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying"

"What's a doll's favorite food? Barbie-Q!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Barry ! Barry who ? Barry the dead !"

"My husband's signature move in bed is to roll over and take eighty percent of the covers with him."

"If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, ""Contact Him"" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB."

"Whether my dreams are good or bad, waking up is always worse."

"Buddha: all life is suffering Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes"