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Joke of the Day

"I'm not afraid of killing cockroaches. It's the fear of his friends and family's plan to avenge his death while I sleep, that haunts me."

"Why did David Schwimmer need ear drops? He had Schwimmer's ear."

"diet tip: eat all your meals in front of a industrial fan"

"Ask a friend this: ""Hey, you ever blow Bubbles?"" ""Of course I did."" ""Well, I think he enjoyed it. He's back in town and asking for you."""

"I hope ""citibank"" is better at math than spelling."

"Please. Stop. Tweeting. Stop. Like. Stop.This.Stop. It. Stop. Looks.stop.Like.stop A stop.Telegram.stop so. Stop. Please. Stop!"

"Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide."

"TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween.. guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors"

"What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne."

"Well well well... looks like someone put on some weight again. ~ my pants right now"