209002

Joke of the Day

"WIFE: look at that couple. He kisses his girl every time he sees her. Why can't you do that ME: I'd love to but I don't know her well enough"

"Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight? Oops, this was supposed to be for /r/explainlikeimfive. There's no punch line!"

"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about."

"I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor and think, ""I'd tap that."""

"My wife bought a bunch of cheap camping supplies from a garage sale. This shall be known as the Summer of my Discount Tent."

"If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them."

"A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside."

"A new teacher joins school. She finds two boys Similar in appearance. Teacher asks: "" Twins "" ? . . . . . . . . Boy: No , "" NEIGHBOURS"""

"TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened."

"There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murders, but why are there no 90th degree murders? Because murder is not right"