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Joke of the Day

"*Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!"

"""Can I get you to-"" YES! ""Great! Here it-"" I'LL DO IT! ""Don't you want to-"" MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO... - Adam Sandler being handed a script"

"My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I'm going to have to get rid of her. At least I'll have my cat to comfort me."

"I stepped on a nail the other day I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him"

"Adults never get excited anymore about how big I got since they last saw me :("

"What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? No more jokes about the profit."

"If I was a drunk superhero, I'm pretty sure I'd be ""I Love You Man"""

"What's the difference between your mother and a Mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget the rest but your mother's a whore"

"For me, girls are like blackjack... I try to go for 21 but I always hit on 14."