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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between your mother and a Mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget the rest but your mother's a whore"

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"What's the difference between 7/11 and 9/11? One is a part-time job the other an inside"
"What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blow job to Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""
"Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten gagged whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
"When a coworker says ""This is all Greek to me"", I always assume they want me to punch them right in their throatopolis."
"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word ""unionized."""
"I'm writing a book about futurology. It's coming soon."
"She said she wanted to hear a double-entendre... ...so I gave her one."
"Two pretzels.. Two pretzels went walking down the street, one was ""assaulted"""
"How do you piss of female archaeologists? Hand them a used tampon and ask what period it's from."
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