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Joke of the Day

"I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one."

"You guys know Chumbawamba broke up because you kept spelling it ""Chumbawumba,"" right?"

"The interviewer asked, ""Where do you see yourself in five years?"" The job candidate responded, "" I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."" Use it while you can, people!"

"What was the smoking bee full of? Nicosting!"

"What do you call two brown people in a sleeping bag? Twix."

"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."

"I always give 100% Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker."

"Which villain did Batman face when he suffered a fatal masturbation accident? Deathstroke."

"The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts."

"Sometimes I make statements in the tone of a question?"