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Joke of the Day

"Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK."

"Im trying to get into classical music... ...but I cant find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands."

"So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs."

"I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50."

"""This is not fair!"" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair."

"My girlfriend is like ketchup. I always bang her on the table."

"What did the cow say to the slaughterhouse worker? You want some beef?"

"I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons."

"Crazy Riddle If Jane's daughter is my daughter's mother, then who am I to Jane?"

"Titties on a hook [NSFW] click bait"