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Joke of the Day

"So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs."

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."

"What did the skeleton order at the restaurant? Spare ribs."

"NEW DRINKING GAME: 1) Put on the new Twilight movie 2) When you press play, take 59 shots of vodka so you can die before it starts."

"Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug"

"What do Mr. Spock and toilet paper have in common? They both hang around Uranus trying to wipe out Klingons."

"I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic. Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad."

"what do a toddler and a case of new pencils have in common? They are both pointless."

"What word has the most letters in it? Postbox."

"My Internet went on a date today He's going after that gache"