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Joke of the Day

"i wish humans were as excited to meet each other as dogs"

"Sir, you will have to stop masturbating. ""Why, doctor?"" ""Because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"I a tendency to skip words."

"That's it, I'm done dating comedians... I don't want to get lol'd into a false sense of security again."

"""Neighbor""- person next door ""Neigh! Brrrr!!"" - cold horse :("

"""i want to love you, but i have crust issues."" -pizza on a date i dont know i hate myself"

"""Nothing is certain, except death and taxis."" Don't you mean ""ta-- *gets run over by a cab*"

"Hey Pringles, it's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed."

"How is cunnilingus like riding a bike with an open face helmet? It's a lot of fun as long as you don't end up with bugs in your teeth."

"How do they say ""fuck you"" in Los Angeles? ""Trust me."""