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Joke of the Day

"What are calories? Little elves that tighten your waistband on your pants a little every night"

"""Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches"" - I'm just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys"

"If the pensieve from Harry Potter could think... It would be thoughtful."

"Why can't the homeless ever get by in America? because there's no chaaaannggggeeeee"

"If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic."

"Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman"

"So I'm holding the door for this Japanese guy... He looks over to me and says ""Sank you!"" Can't believe he just brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"How many Mexicans does it take to build a... Oh, wait, they're done."

"Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled ""FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!"" So you be the judge."

"Bernie Sanders looks and sounds like the High Sparrow from GoT, but that's an unfair comparison. By next season, Reddit will still remember the High Sparrow."