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Joke of the Day

"If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic."

"When I found out that my girlfriend was a vegan... I pretended I'd never met herbivore."

"Just before I die, I'm going to change my name to OFF'. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers: R.I.P. OFF"

"Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife."

"People think having 5 sets of grandparents rules as kid on Xmas, and it does, but you pay for it on the back end having to go to 97 funerals"

"Hey you see that Russian car over there? When I was in Moscow I saw a Lada them."

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant But then I changed my mind"

"Some call it alcoholism, I call it ""keeping my emotions hydrated"""

"Have you heard the new hipster joke? No? I just got it on vinyl"

"What do you do if you see a space man? (my favorite one liner ever) you park your car in it, man"