40973

Joke of the Day

"For Mother's Day, I told my teens, I'm going to reenact every detail of each of your births."

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" lol wtf ""wait its back on again nvm"" ok lmao ""he just stole my nose"" im phoning the police"

"What is Marlon Brando's favorite beer? STELLA!"

"Went to our annual work party last night... They played 'The Twist' so I twisted. They played 'Jump' so I jumped. Then they played 'Come on Eileen'...I was asked to leave shortly after that."

"When asked why he wouldn't upgrade his operating system to Windows 8... Arnold Schwarzenegger replied: 'Windows 8, never! I still love Vista baby'..."

"My wife likes to look at my face while we have sex. So i gave her a picture of me for when she goes out."

"Who is a bee's favourite painter ? Pablo Beecasso !"

"Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A: A buzzness suit!"

"My friends tell me that cooking is easy but it's not easier than not cooking."

"A Welshman is talking to his girlfriend... when she asks, ""How many sexual partners did you have before me?"" ""I don't know."" replies the Welshman. ""Everytime I try and count them I fall asleep."""