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Joke of the Day

"My wife died last week It's ironic because her zodiac symbol was cancer. She was killed by a giant crab"

"The TSA doesn't take compliments well... All I said was that the TSA was the **BOMB** and they wouldn't let me leave!"

"LAPD announced they fired a dozen officers this today... In other news, 12 cabins were burned to the ground in Big Bear."

"A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos."

"Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C#."

"4/20 It's Hitler's birthday today... ... I guess that brings a whole another meaning to ""Smoking a J"""

"I just found out my father's sister doesn't like Jewish people. Its hard to believe I have a relative who is auntie semitic."

"Hey McDonalds! I bet there are a bunch of 300lb+ people that want to be in your commercials too!"

"GUY (whose car died): can u help me? I need a jump ME (pulling a trampoline out of my trunk): im always prepared for emergencies like this"

"Beethoven must've hated his music... Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing."