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Joke of the Day

"Beethoven must've hated his music... Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing."

"I'm not saying that girl's a slut... But she has touched more wieners than Heinz ketchup."

"If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don't lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic"

"Why did Beethoven kill off his chickens? They kept saying, ""Bach, Bach, Bach."""

"Soulja boy was sent to the hospital, what department was he sent to? He was sent to I C UUUUUUUU! ...yes that happened."

"[travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over"

"Her: 'Do I look, like, fat?' Brain: no,no,no,no Brain: Of course not. Brain: Say SOMETHING Mouth: 'Like a fat what?' Brain: Oh dear God"

"""wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is"" *waits literally 4 seconds* ""oh there look at that he said his name how convenient"""

"Me: I like that... Me: *looks at price tag* .... Me: I don't like that anymore."

"My wife mentioned that she couldn't remember if she took her anti-anxiety medication. I asked if she was worried about it?"