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Joke of the Day

"My son woke me last night and said ""There's another daddy in the house!"" I don't think he understands how gay marriage works."

"Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet."

"Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other... Finally one says, ""I don't recall your name but your feces familiar."""

"NFL catch rules are absurd. ""Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."""

"Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness."

"*wife wonders where I am* *hears every musical snowman in the store start singing* *knows where I am*"

"I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock."

"I gain a lot of calories when I go to nutrition class... because it's so damn dry."

"Why can't Californians stop at stop signs? I don't know and this is not a laughing matter."

"I'm funny. But hey looks aren't everthing! Source: roger miller"