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Joke of the Day

"Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness."

"My guidelines for whether or not to have sex with a female were the same as how I chose outdoor sports. If there was grass on the field, I played ball."

"Q: What do the Starship Enterprise and Toilet tissue have in common? A: They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons."

"I'm Torn on the Issue of Abortion.... On one hand, I support it because it is killing babies. On the other hand, it gives women a choice. Credit goes where credit's due, /u/DJ-Salinger"

"How do you say goodbye to two people in Spanish? Adidos!"

"Why do conservatives want everyone to own a gun? They have to justify killings blacks somehow."

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."

"Ten out of one women is a Russian Nesting Doll"

"What did the magician's girlfriend say to the magician? I can't see you anymore."

"Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon"