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Joke of the Day

"*wife wonders where I am* *hears every musical snowman in the store start singing* *knows where I am*"

"Recently developed melanoma on my cheek, so I quickly went to the dermatologist. Turns out I just fell asleep on a chocolate chip."

"The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone."

"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."

"I accidentally took a woman's multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat"

"Short story about sharpness. Man 1: What is more sharp Mouth or Anus? Man 2: Mouth. Man 1: Can you cut your shit using your Mouth? Man 2: ..."

"Sex! Of course you don't get it."

"Tifu by farting in my girlfriend's face It was a shitty thing to do."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope."

"What did the x-axis say to the y-axis? This is my domain"