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Joke of the Day

"Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet."

"What is a polygon? A dead parrot."

"You wouldn't believe how many laws I'm obeying right now"

"[in class] Me: hey, can I borrow a pen? Guy: sure, black or blue? Me [sweating & swelling up]: you got one for bee stings?"

"A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a man and woman are divorced, they can still be brother and sister."

"What did the blonde do after she combed her hair? .. She pulled her pants up."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way"

"There was a Spanish magician who said he could disappear. He said he would disappear on the count of 3. He said ""Unos... Dos..."" **POOF** And then he disappeared without a tres."

"Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once? I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer."

"A British man enters customs at an Australian airport. The officer asks ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The man looks confused and replies ""No, do I still need one?"""