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Joke of the Day

"My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird."

"What do Pavlov's dogs call storefront bell-ringers? The Salivation Army."

"Did you hear that Grey Poupon is opening a university? It's called Poupon U"

"Why is it called taking a shit? Cuz no one wants to say they're giving a shit."

"What do you call it when two guys open a weed dispensary? A joint venture."

"Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to ""make elephant! Now teapot!"" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball."

"I named my penis the truth - Because women can't handle it."

"Someone told me it was important to have relationships with positive people. Now I have AIDS"

"The doctor thinks I need a penis reduction I asked him if it could wait until after my golf tournament."

"Lawyer: ""Now that you have been acquitted will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"" Client: ""After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning I'm beginning to think I didn't."""