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Joke of the Day

"What do Pavlov's dogs call storefront bell-ringers? The Salivation Army."

"One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies"

"Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake."

"What did God say when he made black people? ""Ah, shit. A burnt batch."""

"My girlfriend is a pornstar She will kill me if she finds out. Edit: Holy poop, front page of reddit mum get the camera"

"Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats"

"Frieza may be cool... But his brother is Cooler!"

"[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* ""CAN I FEED THEM?"" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*"

"I was making Ewok for dinner but I cooked it too long and it was like, a little Chewy. -- (Wil Shipley)"

"My girlfriend is the square root of -100 She's a solid 10 but also imaginary"