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Joke of the Day
"""You want to have your cake and eat it, too."" ""Yeah. It's MY cake."""
Next Joke
"What did the alcoholic say to the bartender? ""You know, I only beat my wife once in a Blue Moon."
"It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It's like you can't even enjoy your own joy."
"If con is the opposite of pro it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?"
"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."
"Three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they get to smoke their cigarettes? They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter."
"What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a lottery ticket One has a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning, the other is a lottery ticket"
"Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?"
"Infomercials that present themselves as ""special"" news reports - Who exactly are these fooling?"
"Hi, my name is USA, and I am... addicted to starting wars in Muslim countries. This is my first meeting and I'm a little nervous."