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Joke of the Day

"It sucks when you try to join a gang in a new city and find out none of your street creds transferred."

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"Canadian court... Do you plead sorry or not sorry?"
"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"
"What is a jew on a swing? A annoyance to German snipers."
"Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they always steal all of the green cards."
"What did the baby order at the chinese restaurant? Goo goo gai pan!"
"What's common between a lawyer and an eccentric billionaire with bad teeth? Both have a very expensive retainer."
"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? a tire"
"What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher? Ground round!"
"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."