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Joke of the Day

"Just got a residual check for 6 dollars for my scene in Almost Famous sooo...going to Vegas!!!!!!!!"

"I smoked meat yesterday... I think that's how I got salmonella."

"""...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..."" - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain"

"What did the black pedophile say? ""Hey kid, wanna help me snatch some candy?"""

"Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory."

"For pimps, prostitution must be alot like using pawn pieces in chess... They use them to do their dirty work, in promise that he'll one day make her into a queen."

"[cops showing wife my body] ""Why is he 50m from where he got shot?"" ""Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"""

"I always make sure I have a single male friend Because he comes in handy."

"What does an Ethiopian eat for breakfast? sand."

"I only drink out of jugs labelled XXX and I carry my money in a big sack with a dollar sign on the side. Everyone thinks I'm cool as hell."