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Joke of the Day

"[cops showing wife my body] ""Why is he 50m from where he got shot?"" ""Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"""

"This guy was so computer illiterate... When told to turn on a computer, he asked where he's supposed to rub it. :P"

"What's a difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, ""Chew, chew, chew!"""

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

"Kanye West ruined his chances of having sex with Taylor Swift this weekend... TIDAL and his album release have proven he's premature."

"OH SHIT! I just ran over an emo kid! Quick! How do you tell if theyre dead on the outside, too?!"

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"Who is a Project Manager? Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month."

"I love when a girl posts a selfie with ""no filter"" but the shit is so blown out you can't even see her nose."

"Dark humor is like a child with terminal cancer It never gets old"