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Joke of the Day

"blonde joke of the day Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, nobody does -"

"""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" -FDR ""Exactly."" -everyone with anxiety"

"Did you hear about the guy who got his tongue cut out by the mafia? Never mind. It's a tasteless joke."

"Wife: ""I'm going to bed, honey."" Husband: ""Okay, sweetheart. I'll go get you a tylenol."" Wife: ""But why? I don't have a headache."" Husband: ""Great! Let's fuck."""

"I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel"

"Osama was found hiding in mansion in Abbottabad. Talk abbot-a-bad place to try and hide..."

"Two men walk into a bar. The first says, ""i'll have some H20"". The second says, ""sounds good, I'll have some H20 too"" The second man [died](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen_peroxide)."

"I'd like deadlines more if they were called happy endings."

"My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling."

"In June of last year, a beautiful woman on the subway saw me yawn & then she yawned. So I think we can cool it with the ""virgin"" talk."