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Joke of the Day

"My phone bill was huge this month. A couple of weeks ago I rang in sick for my wife and her boss asked me what was wrong with her."

"Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET"

"Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is."

"Man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. The husband came back with a gun and shot the man in bed. The wife replied ""this is why you don't have anymore friends."""

"I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again"

"Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one."

"Neurotic Girls... Wear Freudian Slips"

"How does a black girl know she's pregnant? When she pulls out her tampon the cotton is already picked"

"I remember the difference between vertical and horizontal because vertical gives you vertigo and horizontal because whores get laid."

"What do you call a boat that won't float? Bloated."