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Joke of the Day

"Until I had kids I didn't realize that ""bouncing off the walls"" was actually a literal statement."

"-What's your zodiac sign? -Tyrannosaurus. -But that's not even a real sign. -None of the zodiac signs are real."

"People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face."

"Saudi Arabia 900 women thinking they can run for office and win. Ha"

"My girl broke up with me, thinks I am childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and ran away..HA!"

"I saw a murder today It was awesome. There must've been 50 crows in it."

"Two potatos are in an oven.. .. One potato says to the other, ""It's hot in here"" Then the other potato says, ""Oh my god, a talking potato!"""

"When Kelis sang about her milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard... ...do you suppose she was referring to her dairy-ere?"

"Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time."

"Guy comes home from work and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says, ""fucking carry on like that, you wont have any mates left""."