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Joke of the Day

"Guy comes home from work and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says, ""fucking carry on like that, you wont have any mates left""."

"Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand. Something along these lines, Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything."

"GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually"

"Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay."

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message"

"[car dealership] ""Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?"" *Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* ""Oh."""

"Why do monks wear such plain clothes? It's a habit."

"Finding other gay guys is a lot like trying to find a job Your only option is looking online and it's almost impossible to get anything good."

"ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well"

"Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place."